Last week I got some news back from my doctor that wasn't great. Of course, it's one of those situations where further testing is needed, which isn't happening until next week. I'm a pretty anxious person normally, so of course my anxiety has been through the roof recently. I'm trying hard to not spend a lot of time in "worst case scenario land", but it's tough. I've calmed myself down a little bit, mainly by distracting myself with work. I have a couple of amazing friends, and an incredible sibling, who are also helping.
It's kind of strange, though, going through this without a partner. It's hard feeling 'alone' in that way. I know I'm not alone, but I don't have that person who is always right by my side any more. And granted, it is absolutely for the best that my ex and I are no longer together. There were issues in our relationship that were never going to be resolved. So in that regard, it's much better for me to be on my own. But when I wake up in the middle of the night and my mind is racing, sometimes it's tough not having someone laying in bed beside me.
I'm a strong person and I have survived a lot of difficult stuff in my lifetime. I'm trying to use this time to lean on the people who love me and who want to help. I'm not great at asking for and accepting help, so that part feels especially challenging, but on the other hand, I know I can't do it all on my own. The support I've received so far really has been amazing, and lets me come back to moments of gratitude amidst the sea of racing thoughts I've been swimming in recently.
Hoping to have answers soon, and REALLY hoping that the news is good.
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