Mother's Day was a few days ago now, and I'm still kind of processing my feelings about the day. My kid was with my ex (it was the end of 'his' week), but there was a school event happening in the morning, so I met them there. The event didn't take place at school, but another location, and I knew that we'd be there for a few hours, so I was prepared for that. The plan was for my kid to ride up to the location with my ex, and then ride back home with me, so we could spend the rest of Mother's Day together.
What I wasn't prepared for was the fact that my ex decided to bring his new wife with him. (By the way, it states in our divorce agreement that he's supposed to let me know when he gets married before anything gets posted on social media...he got married about two months ago now and still hasn't told me hahaha. This is disappointing, but not surprising AT ALL.).
They had arrived at the location before me, so I walked into a room and the three of them were standing there, with other families, and the teachers. My kid was in front, so I said hi to him, and acknowledged my ex...for some reason he decided not to introduce me to the new wife (that's right, we haven't met before, as she has only been in the US for about three months now. And I've only seen her in person, in passing two other times, I think.).
For most of the event, everyone was outside, and it was a fairly large space. So my kid spent time going back and forth between me and my ex.
I had no idea how I was going to feel, seeing my ex with his new wife. The woman he proposed to while we were still married. But, seeing them together made me feel absolutely fantastic. Even though I wasn't the one who initiated the divorce, I have to say I'm so glad that my ex decided to leave me. The peace, freedom, joy, and sense of self I feel having survived that relationship is almost indescribable. And that is not an exaggeration. I fully understand now just how badly I was treated, and how I absolutely deserve so much better. I'm so incredibly happy I now have the chance to find better.
Yes, getting divorced sucks, especially when it's not you who initiates it. But if I was still married to my ex right now, I would be miserable. I've had one of the most stressful years of my life these past 12 months, but I'm glad I went through all I've gone through on my own, instead of with him. It would have been so much worse if we were still together - my life in general would be so much worse.
I realized on Sunday that it's most likely my ex never actually loved me. And as sad as that is, it actually makes me feel a little bit better, like I don't have to take him leaving personally. It wasn't really about me, except for the fact that I wasn't acting the way he wanted me to act any more, so he decided to find someone who would act the way he wanted them to act. I'm no longer trapped, which is an amazing feeling. For years I felt unheard and unseen, and I'm now finding my voice, and learning my worth. I don't think any of that would have happened if I was still with him. Knowing and understanding that my life is so much better now, was the greatest Mother's Day gift I could have ever received. And my kid and I enjoyed the rest of the day together, which was what made the day extra special.
